Greetings my fellow Gremlins, Ghouls and Goblins,
It’s Day 23. Gray here in Oakland. Pearly cloud cover. Little traffic on the Bay Bridge.
With less than a week until decision day for grad programs, I’m not feeling super optimistic about getting off the waitlist for either Boise State University or the University of Idaho. But I’ll keep my fingers crossed.
I’ve been making a lot of difficult decisions lately, and I’m in an odd place of limbo. Even if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic, I think I’d be feeling up-in-the-air and disconnected. As it is, we’re in the middle of a pandemic.
When I feel like this, I try to focus on what is most important to me. I usually come up with a variation on the following list:
I may not always succeed in showing it, but my family means everything to me. I am immensely grateful to have not only my amazing siblings, but amazing parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, great aunts and uncles, and as rabbit would say various other “Friends-and-Relations”. I don’t know how I lucked out, but I was born into a beautiful and loving support system that connects both within and without. I look up to my family. They inspire me. They teach me about the kind of person I want to be. They remind me that learning is a life-long endeavor. I want to do my best to return the favor.
I include friends in my description of family as well. My friends are the family I have been fortunate enough to find: my siblings, supporters, and heroes.
This one is probably pretty obvious as I type away at yet another lengthy blogpost. The written word is how I make sense of my surroundings, it is how I forge connections, it is what I hope to leave behind after I’m gone. It is my greatest tool towards shaping a better future for myself and hopefully for humans everywhere. I am constantly trying to improve my writing – by which I mean to be more effective in conveying my ideas and feelings to others – and I am trying to grow ever more thoughtful in the way I use my words.
I lump these three together, because in many ways they are simply different faces of the same three-dimensional object. I never want to stop learning about the world, whether through reading, traveling, learning a new subject or skill, meeting new people and hearing their stories. There is so much to learn and so little time to learn it in. I want to be the best person I can be so that I can better love and support my community, my family, my friends. I don’t believe in inherent meaning to human life, but I do believe we can create our own every day through connecting with the world around us.
So, with everything else in flux, I try to re-commit myself to this list. I don’t know whether sharing it will bring any sort of clarity or comfort to anyone else, but it helps me!
I think that’s all for right now.
I’ll be back again tomorrow.