Seeking Position: Becoming a Small Flightless Bird

Laura A. Birdmiller
Bird bird bird bird, #14
Fitchbird, WI 53713

• Passionate team-bird, bird-oriented and willing to bird hard.
• Slow bird, unable to fly.
• Small and almost round.
• Committed to eating seeds and not flying.

August 2011- June 2015 Carleton Birdege
Northbird, MN
GPA: 6 lbs of seed, Honors in Flightlessness

August 2007- June 2011 The Culver Abirdemies
Culbird, IN
GPA: 7 lbs of seed, Honors in Poor Ability to Escape Predators

Prior Experience:

June 2010- August 2010 Bookstore Kakapo, Culver Academies

Found a new island to inhabit! No predators! This is so exciting! I will grow fat and happy here!

August 2012- June 2015 Resident Bird, Carleton College

Shortened bones and gained weight in order to conserve unnecessary energy wasted on flight. Developed a co-dependence on a rare plant in order to mate. This will turn out well!

June- November 2015 Quality Abirdance, Ep-bird

Was unable to deal with the arrival of mammalian predators and competitors. Habitat quickly destroyed. Now hiding on small off-shore islands.

Additional Skills
• Proficient in being small, falling out of trees, and attempting to trample my foes.
• Studied being a bird for seven years including time in a tree.
• Avid and passionate bird both abroad and in the United States.
• Experience as a cute adorable bird with no ability to protect myself from change.

One thought on “Seeking Position: Becoming a Small Flightless Bird

  1. This may be the greatest blogpost I’ve ever read. Seriously.

    (PS I’m glad you left Epic! If you decide to move to NYC you have a friend 🙂 )


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