Seeking Position: Becoming a Small Flightless Bird

Laura A. Birdmiller
Bird bird bird bird, #14
Fitchbird, WI 53713

• Passionate team-bird, bird-oriented and willing to bird hard.
• Slow bird, unable to fly.
• Small and almost round.
• Committed to eating seeds and not flying.

August 2011- June 2015 Carleton Birdege
Northbird, MN
GPA: 6 lbs of seed, Honors in Flightlessness

August 2007- June 2011 The Culver Abirdemies
Culbird, IN
GPA: 7 lbs of seed, Honors in Poor Ability to Escape Predators

Prior Experience:

June 2010- August 2010 Bookstore Kakapo, Culver Academies

Found a new island to inhabit! No predators! This is so exciting! I will grow fat and happy here!

August 2012- June 2015 Resident Bird, Carleton College

Shortened bones and gained weight in order to conserve unnecessary energy wasted on flight. Developed a co-dependence on a rare plant in order to mate. This will turn out well!

June- November 2015 Quality Abirdance, Ep-bird

Was unable to deal with the arrival of mammalian predators and competitors. Habitat quickly destroyed. Now hiding on small off-shore islands.

Additional Skills
• Proficient in being small, falling out of trees, and attempting to trample my foes.
• Studied being a bird for seven years including time in a tree.
• Avid and passionate bird both abroad and in the United States.
• Experience as a cute adorable bird with no ability to protect myself from change.


The Epic Quest is Over

Oh boy oh boy oh boy! It’s me again.

Yeah, so I guess things have been a little dramatic and overly-self-centered in my life of late. Mostly because I was in an environment that caused me to vomit every day for two weeks straight, and every week for the four months before that.

What a joy life is!

So, as you may or may not be aware, I took a job with Epic Systems in Verona, Wisconsin starting in July. Only a few days after I had been home (see earlier posts in the summer). I was excited because I was going to be paid the moneyz.

Then I learned some very important things about myself. Such as 1) I do not belong in corporate America. Oh boy no. 2) I don’t do well staring at a computer screen alone in a windowless room for eight hours. 3) I should probably do something to handle my depression despite the fact that it was going super great when I was surrounded by friends and doing the things I love to do. 4) Moneyz is not a good motivator for me.

So with all these things in mind, I left my job last Monday.

And for the first time in five or more years, I’m unemployed. I’ve held jobs since my junior year of high school. It’s always been necessary. Paying off loans, paying to study abroad, paying for food and housing and pretty much everything. Obviously I had super help from financial aid and from my amazing mother who I will never be able to fully pay back though I’m trying. But I also think I achieved some level of financial independence.

And now I’m half scared and half ecstatic. First because I’m no longer throwing up every day! (Okay that’s mostly the ecstatic part.) And there’s this whole world of possibilities! I could go anywhere! I could do anything! I mean, you all know I’m not exactly “tech savvy”, so if I can hack it as a software tester, I can pretty much do anything. Come at me world!

Or I may end up in a dead-end job, slowly hemorrhaging money. Whatever! My life, my mistakes, my decisions.

And there are so many bigger more important things happening. That I want to focus on again and now have the time and energy to focus on. Rather than being wrapped up in my own little miseries.

So the battle for Laura’s soul is over. The battle for Laura’s life is about to begin.

Let’s go listen to some Fetty. #myboo